Dating Intentionally

What if getting divorced wasn’t the end of your love story, but a chance to rebuild your life and learn to date in a completely different way? In this episode, I’m talking with dating-after-divorce creator Alex Daly about dating after divorce, rebuilding your life from scratch, and how approaching dating with curiosity and an experimental mindset can help you figure out what you actually want.Alex shares her experience of getting divorced in her late 30s, moving to a new city, and re-entering the dating world after a long break. We’re talking about her Hoe era, why dating doesn’t have to be so serious, and how letting go of the pressure to find a relationship can actually create space for a connection to develop naturally. We’re getting into how to...Rebuild your life and approach dating after divorceUse dating as an opportunity to explore what you actually wantHave a "Hoe era" without shame, guilt, or putting pressure on yourself to find a relationshipDate safely and have conversations about sexual healthHandle ghosting and other disappointing parts of dating without taking them personallyLet go of arbitrary dating rules and take an experimental approach insteadKnow when it’s time to try dating outside of your usual “type”Transition from enjoying your single life into a relationship without rushing itHave check-in conversations with a new partner without turning them into pressure-filled “what are we?” conversationsLook at your own patterns and take responsibility for how you show up in relationshipsTalk about divorce in early dating without oversharing or bad-mouthing your exBuild a relationship differently after learning from what didn’t work in the pastTrust that it’s never too late to start over, date, explore, or find lovePlus, Alex and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who has spent years repeating a cycle with her ex-husband and continues to find herself attracted to men who don’t choose her.THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLYDate Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?Say hi on InstagramBook a 1:1 with meSubmit a dating dilemmaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why do so many couples who believe in equality still end up falling into traditional gender roles? I’m joined by Stefanie O’Connell Rodriguez, author of The Ambition Penalty, to talk about what happens when money, ambition, power, and gender collide in dating and relationships.We get into why women’s success can create unexpected tension in heterosexual relationships, what happens when a woman earns more than her male partner, and why saying you want an equal relationship is very different from building one in practice. We also talk about dating when you’re financially successful, expanding what it means to “provide,” when to start talking about money, and how to think about a partner who isn’t where you want them to be financially.In this episode...Why modern couples still fall into traditional gender rolesWhat can happen when a woman earns more than her male partnerWhy believing in equality doesn’t automatically create an equal relationshipWhat real support for an ambitious partner looks like in practiceWhy “providing” in a relationship should mean much more than moneyWhen and how to start talking about salary, debt, savings, and finances while datingHow to date someone who is financially behind without dating their potentialWhy having a full life and strong community outside your relationship mattersMENTIONEDStefanie’s Substack, Too AmbitiousFair Play by Eve RodskyTHANKS TO OUR SPONSORS😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLYDate Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?Say hi on InstagramBook a 1:1 with meSubmit a dating dilemmaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the secret to better dates isn’t saying the “right” thing, but worrying less about how you’re coming across and getting more curious about the person in front of you? In this episode, I’m talking with experimental social psychologist and author Vanessa Bohns about the science of what we say, what we hold back, and how other people actually respond to us.Vanessa breaks down why we often underestimate how much people like us, why vulnerability tends to go over better than we expect, and how asking the right kinds of questions can create more intimacy without making a date feel like an interview.We’re getting into how to...Decide when to share something vulnerable or sensitive in early datingTell the difference between healthy vulnerability and trauma dumpingFigure out why you feel the urge to disclose somethingTalk about your accomplishments without sounding like you’re braggingUnderstand the “liking gap” and why your dates may like you more than you thinkAsk questions that actually build connection instead of slipping into interview modeUse follow-up questions to naturally get into deeper conversationsHandle dates where you’re doing all the asking and they aren’t asking anything backDecide whether you should give someone feedback after a dateBe honest without saying something unnecessarily hurtfulStop focusing so much on impressing someone and start paying attention to whether you actually like themPlus, Vanessa and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who is four dates in with someone she likes and wondering whether she should proactively tell him she’s still dating other people.MENTIONEDVanessa's book: Should I Say Something?: The Science of What to Share―and What to Keep to YourselfVanessa's InstagramMORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLYDate Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?Say hi on InstagramBook a 1:1 with meSubmit a dating dilemmaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if jealousy wasn’t a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship, but an emotion you could actually learn from? In this episode, I’m talking with relationship coach Ally Iseman about why jealousy gets such a bad reputation, what it’s actually trying to tell us, and how to work through it without blaming your partner or shaming yourself.Ally breaks down the different types of jealousy, including insecurity, comparison, fear of abandonment, distrust, and retroactive jealousy, and explains why learning to tolerate discomfort is one of the most important relationship skills you can build.We’re getting into how to...The difference between jealousy and envyFigure out whether your jealousy is about you, your relationship, or something from your pastWhat to do when jealousy comes upWork through retroactive jealousyAsk your partner for reassurance without making them responsible for your emotionsHandle it when your partner is jealous of your pastUnderstand the difference between boundaries, rules, and relationship agreementsStop trying to force certainty or commitment before you actually know someoneBuild the relationship skills that help you navigate uncomfortable conversationsDecide what to do when the person you’re dating handles a situation in a way that completely turns you offPlus, Ally and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who showed up to a museum and caught the guy she was seeing on a date with another woman after he told her he was sick.CONNECT WITH ALLYon InstagramTHANKS TO OUR SPONSORS😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLYDate Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?Say hi on InstagramSubmit a dating dilemmaBook a 1:1 with meSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if dating felt less like a stressful search for your person and more like an experience you could actually enjoy? In this episode, I’m talking with Serena Kerrigan, creator and author of Let’s Fucking Date, about lowering the stakes in dating, stopping the need to control the outcome, and staying open to connections that don’t look exactly how you expected.Serena shares how meeting her boyfriend challenged her assumptions about age, success, and what the “right” partner should look like, plus the mindset shifts that helped her stop overmanaging her dating life and actually enjoy it.We’re getting into how to...Use Serena’s “potential, practice, or plot” framework to make every date feel worthwhileStop putting so much pressure on every first date to become somethingStay open to people who don’t fit the picture you had in your headTell the difference between showing interest and doing too muchGive someone enough space to actually reveal how interested they areLet go of control when dating feels uncertainGet out of your comfort zone when your dating life feels stagnantStop treating self-improvement like a formula that guarantees you a relationshipKnow when an “ick” is meaningful and when you might need to get a gripDate with a more abundant mindset when age and timelines are stressing you outTHANKS TO OUR SPONSORS😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLYDate Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?Say hi on InstagramSubmit a dating dilemmaBook a 1:1 with meSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How much is your self-worth affecting the way you date? In this episode, I’m talking with psychologist and author Dr. Marisa G. Franco about how our past experiences can shape what we believe we deserve, how we interpret rejection, and even our ability to accept love from someone who genuinely likes us. We’ll also explore what it means to build self-worth and how to stop dating from a place of fear and start going after what you want.We’re getting into how to...Understand the difference between self-esteem and self-worthRecognize when you’re dating to avoid rejection instead of pursuing what you wantUnderstand why rejection hits some people so much harder than othersIdentify old experiences that may still be shaping how you see yourselfStop assuming someone doesn’t like you when there’s no evidence they don’tBuild self-worth by paying attention and responding to your emotionsKnow when you’re seeking healthy reassurance versus outsourcing your worth to a partnerNavigate dating when you don’t feel completely confident or worthy yetMENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEWorth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment by Dr. Marisa G. FrancoMarisa's websiteTHANKS TO OUR SPONSORS😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLYReady to date with more confidence? Start your 7-day free trial of Date Tracker! (iOS link)Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?Say hi on InstagramSubmit a dating dilemmaBook a 1:1 with meSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Do you tend to go all in when you like someone, to the point where you've lost touch with your own life a bit? I'm chatting with Chris Rackliffe, an anxious attachment coach and author of Needy No More: The Journey from Anxious to Secure Attachment, who's helped thousands of people heal from patterns of trauma, abandonment, and codependency. We're getting into why we lose ourselves in dating and what to do about it.We cover:The earliest signs you're starting to abandon yourself when you meet someone newWhy resentment is the clearest signal a compromise has tipped into self-betrayalChris's framework for codependencyWhy guilt is proportional to how long you've been overriding your own needsHis concept of emotional diversification, and why spreading out your sources of connection is a protective strategy, not just something nice to haveHow to apply this whether you're in early dating or an established relationshipWhether opposite sleep schedules are actually a dealbreakerAt the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about whether opposite sleep schedules are a dealbreaker.CONNECT WITH CHRISFind Chris on Instagram and TikTokTHANKS TO OUR SPONSORSEVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionallyFREE STUFFDating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & moreMORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLYSubmit a dating dilemmaSlide into my DMs on IGWatch the pod on YouTubeJoin the Date Tracker app waitlistReveal your dating blindspot (quiz)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Is someone being "out of your league" even a real thing? In this episode, I'm chatting with relationship scientist and author Paul Eastwick (Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection) to unpack the science of mate value, why matchmaking based on shared traits almost never works, and what actually predicts compatibility (it's not the traits on your list).From decoding your own dating patterns to knowing when attraction is genuinely going to grow, this conversation is packed with practical, research-backed advice for anyone who feels stuck comparing partners against a checklist.In this episode, we cover:Why what you say you want in a partner doesn't predict who you actually chooseThe truth about mate value and dating "out of your league"Why matchmaking based on shared traits and interests rarely worksWhat actually predicts long-term compatibility (hint: it's not a trait)Why attraction often grows slowly instead of hitting all at onceWhether a strict list of dealbreakers helps or hurts youAt the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about a situationship where trust was broken, and whether it's worth trying to repair it.CONNECT WITH PAULLove Factually podcastTHANKS TO OUR SPONSORSEVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionallyFREE STUFFDating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & moreCONNECT WITH MESubmit a dating dilemmaSlide into my DMs on IGWatch the pod on YouTubeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.