Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

Are you in control of your nervous system – or is it in control of you? It's a question that deserves your attention, because the answer affects everything from how well you sleep to how you react when life is hard. And my guest this week believes most of us have more agency than we realise. Dr Kristen Holmes is Global Head of Human Performance and Principal Scientist at the wearable-tech company WHOOP. She’s also a former US national field hockey player and one of the most successful coaches in Ivy League history. In her new book, Aligned, she argues that a well-regulated nervous system is the foundation for our health, performance and relationships. We start by exploring what a balanced nervous system looks like in daily life, why some people need to begin with their body and others with their mind, and why Kristen prefers the word agency to control. Kristen then talks me through a study she led with WHOOP, in which 39,000 of its members tried four simple, free daily behaviours, and what happened to their sleep and heart health as a result. She explains why most of us have no idea when our body naturally wants to fall asleep, why sleep consistency predicts health more strongly than sleep quantity or quality – and the single metric she believes reveals most about someone’s health. We also cover why variety matters in how we move, why eating earlier suits our metabolism, and why so many of us fall ill as soon as we go on holiday. And Kristen shares a powerful 72-hour exercise for auditing your daily actions against your values. In the second half, the conversation becomes deeply personal. Kristen talks about growing up around alcoholism, the trauma she experienced as a child, and how she found her way to forgiveness through curiosity. We discuss emotions rooted in trust versus fear, the role of nostalgia, and how joy differs from happiness. She also shares the meditation practice that helped her learn to love herself, and the science showing how it benefits the body. This is a conversation for anyone who wants practical, evidence-based steps to better sleep, energy and resilience. But, perhaps more importantly, it’s for anyone who senses that lasting change also requires some inner work. Kristen brings both the data and the lived experience – and I think everyone will find something here to carry into their own life. The Thrive Tour: Transform Your Health and Happiness, a live show: Book Your Tickets https://drchatterjee.com/live   Thanks to our sponsors: https://boncharge.com/livemore https://thewayapp.com/livemore https://hellolingo.com/livemore https://drinkag1.com/livemore   Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/691   DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when the boundary between you and the world around you dissolves? It’s something I experienced myself recently, and this week I sat down with Zen Master Henry Shukman to try and make sense of it. What results is a conversation that moves from the practicalities of a sitting practice, to the outer edges of what meditation can reveal about who we really are. Henry has been meditating for almost 40 years and is the guide behind The Way, the meditation app I use myself and have long recommended to you. He’s Director of the Mountain Cloud Zen Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico, an award-winning poet and the author of several books. This is his third appearance on the podcast, but our conversation this time goes somewhere we've never been before. We begin by talking about how meaning, purpose and happiness are found within us, not externally. Our culture may measure worth through outward achievement, but meditation can show us a deeper reality beneath the striving – a natural, open heart that doesn't need to prove itself. I share the deeply affecting experience I had at a retreat earlier this year – one that changed how I understand connection, identity and what it means to feel truly at peace. Henry helps unpack it, drawing on Buddhist teaching, his own blissful awakening at 19, and decades of guiding others through similar moments. We talk honestly about what this means for people living ordinary, busy lives, and why none of it requires stepping away from our responsibilities. Our conversation also touches on ageing and independence, prompted by reflections on my own parents and what they taught me about serenity in circumstances that looked far from peaceful. And in the second half, I invite Henry to answer some of your most-asked questions. Among many useful topics, we cover building a consistent meditation habit, fitting it into family life, coping with shame, cravings and addiction, and how to stay grounded in a difficult relationship. This episode moves effortlessly between the practical and the profound, and I think it will mean something different depending on where you are in your own life right now. But whether you're new to meditation or have been practising for years, rest assured there's a powerful message here for you. The Thrive Tour: Transform Your Health and Happiness, a live show: Book Your Tickets https://drchatterjee.com/live   Thanks to our sponsors: https://drinkag1.com/livemore https://thewayapp.com/livemore   Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/689   DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Twenty years ago, leading psychotherapist Esther Perel asked whether desire could survive marriage and children. Today, she highlights a new relationship threat: our frictionless, convenient lives – and offers a wealth of wisdom to keep love alive. This conversation was recorded live on stage at SXSW London, where Esther was speaking to mark the 20th anniversary of her groundbreaking bestseller, Mating in Captivity. It’s her third time on the podcast and I was honoured that she asked me to interview her for this wide-ranging episode – to which the audience reactions add a real energy. Esther is one of the world’s most insightful and original voices on modern love. And it’s her parents, Holocaust survivors who rebuilt their lives through relationships, whom she credits for the idea that underpins her work: that our relationship quality ultimately determines our life quality. We begin with something simple: the habit of appreciation, and why we tend to be better at criticising the people we live with than thanking them. Esther reminds us that a romantic partner is simply ‘on loan, with an option to renew’, so we need to make each other feel valued. She makes the case for ditching relationship checklists, explains why perfectionism and a lack of obstacles are starving modern intimacy, and defines the ‘digital lag’ that’s destroying our ability to be physically present with others. We also talk about eroticism as a form of vitality and curiosity, while loneliness is more about societal failings than individual malaise. And Esther makes a key point that wanting our partners to be ‘our village’, instead of looking to a wider community, is a modern pressure that’s too much for any relationship to bear. To illustrate this, she reveals what happened during her therapy session between a human and their ‘perfect’ AI companion. It was a threshold moment for her industry – and it’s a lesson for us all. This warm and witty episode is packed with quick-fire Q and As as well as deeper observations and meaningful advice. Esther offers a way of thinking about desire, connection and expectations that carries well beyond romantic relationships, touching on friendships, family and the way we show up for everyone around us. The Thrive Tour: Transform Your Health and Happiness, a live show: Book Your Tickets https://drchatterjee.com/live   Thanks to our sponsors: https://heights.com/livemore https://hellolingo.com/livemore   Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/687   DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do we grab our phones the moment we feel bored, lonely or overwhelmed, even when we know it’s unlikely to help? Returning guest, Nir Eyal, breaks down the psychology behind distraction and reveals a surprisingly simple truth: the pull isn't coming from your phone. It's coming from inside you. Nir is a behavioural design expert who writes, consults, and teaches about the intersection of psychology, technology, and human potential. He’s a former Stanford lecturer and is the author of the international bestsellers Hooked and Indistractable, alongside his latest book, Beyond Belief. This is his third appearance on Feel Better, Live More. In this conversation, Nir explains the remarkable truth that only around 10 per cent of phone checks are triggered by an external notification. The other 90 per cent come from within, from stress, fatigue or discomfort we're trying to escape. We discuss why treating technology as inherently addictive lets us off the hook, and what to do instead: his easy, repeatable four-step framework for noticing your internal triggers before they take hold. Nir believes that the real opposite of distraction isn’t focus, it’s traction – a sense of being pulled towards the life you actually want, rather than away from it. And crucially, the same activity, whether reading a book, gaming or checking email, can be traction or distraction depending on whether it was planned. The answer to our scattered attention isn't to eliminate leisure and rest, he says, but to plan each day in advance around our values. We talk about children and screentime. Nir introduces the idea of psychological nutrients, the basic needs for competency, autonomy and connection that every child requires to thrive. When these needs aren't met in daily life, children look for them elsewhere, often in the digital world. Understanding this changes the conversation around kids and technology, moving it away from blame and towards something far more useful: giving children what they truly need. We also explore why to-do lists can make us feel like failures – and why scheduling your time (including your rest and leisure) is the antidote to distraction. Plus, Nir reveals why a small, low-effort commitment made in advance can be more powerful than willpower alone, when it comes to living intentionally. This is a powerful and reassuring conversation for anyone who’s ever questioned their ability to focus, worried about phone addiction, or who simply wants a more meaningful, values-led life.   The Thrive Tour: Transform Your Health and Happiness, a live show: Book Your Tickets https://drchatterjee.com/live   Thanks to our sponsors: https://boncharge.com/livemore https://drinkag1.com/livemore   Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/685   DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you can’t shake the idea that happiness lies just around the corner, that you’ll ‘be happy when…’ you achieve X, Y or Z, then this conversation will bring you into the present. Because as my guest reveals, the secret to happiness isn't your future success, money or health, but something far simpler (which you can change today). It’s feeling loved. That's the conclusion happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky has arrived at after 36 years studying what makes us content, and it's the focus of this week's episode. Sonja is Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and the author of several bestselling books on happiness. Her latest, written with relationship scientist Harry Reis, is called How to Feel Loved. It makes the case that being loved is not the same as feeling loved – and the latter is key to individual happiness and societal wellbeing. During this warm and inspiring conversation, Sonja sets out her five mindsets – including Radical Curiosity, Sharing, and the Multiplicity Mindset – which can help us feel more loved. She demonstrates how we can all adopt them to forge better relationships with everyone from friends, partners and family members to colleagues and strangers. We explore the idea of hedonic adaptation – why those things we assume will make us happy (good looks, a better job, a bigger house) bring short-lived rewards. We discuss why happier people tend to become more successful, rather than the other way round, and Sonja reveals fascinating research linking happiness to physical health and immunity. Our conversation also takes in cultural attitudes to happiness, from Sonja's early years in Russia to her decades living in the US, and what these differences reveal about the assumptions many of us hold without realising. Sonja shares a moving account of meeting the Dalai Lama, including his own definition of happiness. And we try out some of the exercises from her book live in the studio, including her Fast Friends questions designed to dissolve barriers and build closeness in minutes. By the end of this powerful episode, you'll understand why forgiveness, curiosity and honest conversation matter more to your happiness than almost anything else. You'll feel more optimistic about your potential to feel loved. And you’ll come away with practical ways to bring valuable connections into your life, starting with your very next conversation.   The Thrive Tour: Transform Your Health and Happiness, a live show: Book Your Tickets https://drchatterjee.com/live   Thanks to our sponsors: https://boncharge.com/livemore https://dohealth.co/livemore https://drinkag1.com/livemore   Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/683   DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why would you want to live longer, if not to spend more time with the people you love? That question sits at the heart of this conversation with brain health expert Dr Tommy Wood. And today, we tackle the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to protecting their brain and longevity. Tommy is Assistant Professor of Paediatrics and Neuroscience at the University of Washington, where his research spans brain development, cognitive decline and dementia prevention. He’s also worked with elite athletes and Formula One drivers as a performance coach. And in his must-read book The Stimulated Mind, he combines that breadth and specialism to make understanding brain health easier – and more fun – than you might think. We start with mindset, and the surprising research findings that how you feel about ageing can shape how you go on to age. As someone in his 40s, I was delighted to hear Tommy cite a paper called Humans Peak in Midlife, showing that increasing wisdom, emotional intelligence and moral reasoning could make age 55 to 65 my best brain decade yet! We talk about the risk of becoming so focused on optimising your own health that you neglect what matters most, your relationships with other people. And Tommy points out why chasing longevity without that connection is missing the entire point. From there we get practical. We discuss mistakes like ignoring your blood pressure (and the implications for dementia) and what testing markers like homocysteine early, rather than waiting until something goes wrong, means for your long-term brain health. I also ask Tommy which supplements are worth considering, including the latest evidence on creatine and basic multivitamins. And he reveals the surprisingly strong link between your oral health and your brain. Finally, we consider the toxic load of modern life, from microplastics to air pollution, and whether you should filter your water. Tommy’s balanced, evidence-based perspective avoids scaremongering while still taking these issues seriously. Whether you’ve listened to every one of Tommy's previous appearances or you’re new to the podcast, this conversation is packed with practical ideas you can act on today, whatever your stage of life. As Tommy reminds us, it is never too late to start. The Thrive Tour: Transform Your Health and Happiness, a live show: Book Your Tickets https://drchatterjee.com/live   Thanks to our sponsors: https://drinkag1.com/livemore https://thewayapp.com/livemore https://exhalecoffee.com/livemore https://dohealth.co/livemore   Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/681   DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If there were a health marker guaranteed to shape your happiness, your health and your children’s wellbeing, wouldn’t you want to optimise it? According to today’s guest there is: your relationships. And in this episode, the world-renowned couples’ therapist Terry Real reveals the one skill he believes matters more than any other for lasting love – while showing you exactly how to use it. Nicknamed ‘the turnaround guy’, Terry has spent decades helping couples who’ve tried it all find their way back to connection. His latest bestseller Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, features a foreword from one-such happy customer, Bruce Springsteen. Terry’s unconventional yet hugely successful approach, Relational Life Therapy (RLT), has trained thousands of therapists worldwide. He believes a good therapist should take sides, and that lasting change often means helping someone come down from grandiosity, not just raising them up from shame. This is one of those conversations that blends big, new ideas with nuggets of advice you’ll be itching to put into practice. We discuss how expectations of love and romance have changed over the generations – and why so many of us are trying to build modern, intimate partnerships using skills we were never actually taught. And Terry explains why the real measure of a strong relationship isn’t how rarely you argue, but which of your ‘three selves’ you use to do it. He introduces the idea of the adaptive child, an old survival pattern that hijacks our behaviour the moment we feel threatened, and explains how learning to recognise it can transform the way we handle conflict. We also discuss the patriarchy and the need to move beyond it for humankind – but this is not about blaming men or women, rather showing how both can and must shift to help each other and the world. So, what is that one skill we need for lasting love? Terry calls it repair, and his bold idea is that it’s not a two-way conversation. When someone we love is hurt or upset with us, our job is not to explain ourselves, but to help them feel heard first. The ability to repair, more than the ability to swerve an argument altogether, is what determines relationship success – and, crucially, he reveals how to do it. It’s a simple reframe, and one that could change how you handle your very next disagreement.   Whether you are single, married, co-parenting, or navigating a difficult patch with someone you care about, this conversation is full of practical strategies you can start using today. I have a feeling you’ll want to share this episode, so everyone you love can do the same. The Thrive Tour: Transform Your Health and Happiness, a live show: Book Your Tickets https://drchatterjee.com/live   Thanks to our sponsors: https://drinkag1.com/livemore https://hellolingo.com/livemore https://dohealth.co/livemore   Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/679   DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices